Why alcohol is bad for my writing…

Whenever I write outside of my journal, it’s almost always certain that somewhere along the way, I would end up in the humour path. I remember starting my first Harry Potter fan fic before with the full intention of making it angsty and gut-wrenching and dramatic, only to end up writing a humour novel that featured James Potter asking my main character about Wanker’s Syndrome. It’s always a struggle for me not to insert humour in my stories, which isn’t as annoying as I’m probably making it sound right now - I just want to challenge myself and try something new. And that’s one of the reasons why I allowed myself to be coerced in joining Potter’s World (PW), which is a play-by-post RP site. 

That and I have no will power. Plus my friends are crazy persuasive.

I suppose if something is making me write everyday, then something angsty and introspective and tear-inducing would come up eventually, yeah? That’s my theory anyway.

But then I got into this habit of sipping wine whenever I’m posting at night. Here are three examples of my writing when I’m inebriated:

Scenario: My main character (who’s only eleven) having a little misunderstanding with an adult character over a chair.

It was clear they weren’t on the same page here, like they were in the middle of some bizarro dance routine as partners. But while she was tapping her foot to the rhythm of Baby You’re A Firebolt, this woman was sashaying her hips to I’ve Got The Moves Like Potter. It was all too much.

Scenario: My character (still eleven) writing a letter to someone telling them why she thinks boys are annoying.

I don’t think I will ever change my mind about boys. They are really annoying and they always like to tease you and play mean pranks on you. My Nan always tells me that a girl (or lady) should always look for a man, not a boy. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I think it means that men are better than boys. Probably because men can grow mustaches while boys can’t.

Scenario: My character (who grew up in a wizarding household) commenting about Muggle superheroes.

Wow! I’m really impressed with these Muggle superheroes, I mean, Superman can fly! What kind of broomstick does he use? I bet it’s sorta an advanced version of a Firebolt, isn’t it, since he’s from another planet and they probably live in the future over there. I’m not sure what radioactive means, but I’m thinking that the spider that bit Spiderman’s probably the kind that can play Muggle music. Does that mean Spiderman knows every Muggle song ever made? 

I think I need to sober up a little, no?

Carry on, lovelies!